Newton, Iowa

A glorious little shit hole in Central Iowa, well known for not having anything to do, not having any place to work, and having lots of weed. If you live in Newton, Iowa, you are either addicted to drugs, too poor to move to a better place, or an old, retired person. Newton, Iowa offers a variety of activities for young people to do, such as smoke weed, drive around town for six hours with no destination (sometimes while smoking weed), go to the roller skating rink (if you're 12), smoke weed, attend one of the 50 churches, eat fast food, smoke weed, have unprotected sex with multiple partners (at once or separately), go bowling, or cook meth, just to name them all. Newton, Iowa also has a fairly new race track, so now everything is just FUCKING DANDY! You can't smoke a race track, so very few Newton teens enjoy it. Newton, Iowa is 30 miles away from everything. Avoid this town like the plague.

Welcome to Newton, Iowa. We hope you brought something to do.

Man 1: "Where are you from?"
Man 2: "Newton, Iowa."
Man 1: "Sucks to be you, man."
Man 2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so baked right now."

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newton iowa

a small, shitty, town in iowa

carter: dude, why are those stoners going into newton iowa?
trenton: because they are stoners who live there.

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