Palsied Walrus

The Palsied Walrus is a very complicated and specialized sexual maneuver that is not for the faint of heart or inflexible. In fact, months of yoga are helpful in preparing for this act. You will need a burlap sack, a half gallon of ginger ale, five pairs of plastic zip ties, the valves from a tuba, and a small dog. The sack must soak overnight in the ginger ale. The rest of the ginger ale, tuba valves, and dog go carefully into the sack along with three or more people as long as none of them are the same sex. the sack is then zip tied closed and tossed into a pile of dirty hotel mattresses. While the goings on inside the sack are largely a mystery, you can tell you did it right if the dog and one person are missing afterward and the last person out of the sack is Tony Danza.

I asked Sheila for a Palsied Walrus on my birthday, but she had no idea what the fuck I was talking about.

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