Parkway North

A high school located in West St. Louis County’s white, SUV-ridden suburbs where the diversity is bused in and the futility of the No Child Left Behind Act is demonstrated daily. The science department generally suffers from a lack of hair and an overabundance of anecdotes and fishing stories, while the top-notch English department continues to produce an abundance of teen angst poets and self-centered essayists. The school’s motto “Head North for Excellence” is not a joke: head two counties north to Pattonville and you will get an excellent education.

Freshie: They give us free t-shirts with motivational messages at Parkway North? Cool!

Senior: Not so fast—you have to have a 3.5 GPA to get that…

Freshie: A 3.5? But the only way I couldn’t get that here is if I skipped class daily, smoked pot in the parking lot, stuffed a dead fish into the air vent in the library, and tried to cheat using the wrong answer key on a test…

Senior: You’ll get there…

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