Patriotic Cancer

The act of being so American that you piss red, white, and blue.

I went to the doctor after finding out the color of my piss wasn't normal, in fact, it was red white and blue. The doctor insisted it was pancreatic cancer, but in 'Murica, we call that patriotic cancer. Caw caw mother fucker

Patriotic Skin Cancer

The type of skin cancer you get from letting off too many fireworks on a patriotic holiday (Fourth of July, President's Day, Memorial Weekend)

Kris: Yo where's Tom? He didn't come back from summer break.
David: He's out with patriotic skin cancer from when he did fireworks at the 4th of July picnic.