If this word is used then you have located a hillbilly redneck.
I'm pert near to pushing that goat through that fence.
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I was pert' near the gas station when I pert' near hit an old lady walking across the street.
Her nipples were so long, I pert' near got my eye poked out.
Her: How close are you to cumming?
Me: Pert' near!
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