Putingrad

place. Proud capital of the newly liberated Republic of Russian Ukraine. Putingrad is renowned the world over for its unparalleled history of artistic and scientific endeavour and above all its dedication to freedom, democracy and peaceful co-existence. Since 1240, when Batu Khan and the Mongols visited briefly and returned home with happy memories and bulging loot bags, Putingrad has been a must-see destination for hordes of all stripes. Near enough to Chernobyl that amusingly deformed wildlife abounds, yet far enough from Moldova that amusingly deformed people are scarce, Putingrad nestles in the heart of uklear trench land. Grain, grain combines, grain fertilizers, gravel, disused missile silos and scattered bomb craters abound as subjects for photographers and an abundance of Cossack dancers and nesting oligarch dolls offer endless entertainment for flak-jacketed holidaymakers. An interactive interpretive centre under construction will explain how Putingrad, despite an overwhelming volume of evidence to the contrary, has always been a part of mother Russia.

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Load up the troika kiddies, we are going to Putingrad for the weekend!

Should I bring toilet paper, iodine pills, a Bren gun, and money for bribes?

Nyet! Putingrad is part of the glorious Russian Empire.

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