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The rationalization hamster is a legendary creature dwelling deep in the minds of the self-delusional, and is particularly common among young liberal women. From birth, the rationalization hamster enters a symbiotic relation with its host, whereby whenever the host feels a craving to do something completely insane and malicious that will have horrible consequences for everyone in the long run, the rationalization hamster will jump on its wheel and run really, really fast, getting the magical hamster wheel to spin out a long sheet of paper full of neat rationalizations for the ultimately devastating action.
Rationalization hamsters are thought to be a key component in producing liberal scholarly works, particularly those of feminism. Young, liberated women often rely on it to explain their attraction to the asshole who is going to pump and dump them, as well as their contempt for the nice guy who, unaware of the hamster within, strives fruitlessly to gain their true love. Older, liberated women also rely on it for dumping their husbands and using the resulting child support money on jewellery, cars and/or crack.
The adulterer: Well, it's okay to lie about cheating on him and say it's his baby, as long as his feelings aren't hurt!
Some dude: Whoa, you think it's okay to lie, cheat and commit paternity fraud on your man? Your rationalization hamster must be working overtime!
The adulterer: But it's not my fault I slept around, it kinda just happened! And those guys probably raped me because I don't really like them right now anymore...
Some dude: Hot dang, that's one tough hamster!
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Rationalization Hamster - It is a creature that inhabits the female brain and helps them spin out rationalizations when they get into a predicament. When faced with a a dilemma, the female brain that houses the rationalization hamster, causes the hamster to start working by jumping on its wheel and running really hard. In the process it spins out a rationalization – an excuse, that absolves the woman of the blame and predicates it upon farcical self- justification.
Female - I know it is not his baby, but if I don't tell him that, it's not actually a lie. After all, I won't be hurting his feelings.
Guy - Wow! So you believe it's not a lie when you make him falsely believe that the child is his, and hide the fact that you lied to and cheated on him?
Female - It just happened like that. I was heavily drunk and was not thinking clearly. So it's not my fault, you see.
Guy - Damn, that female rationalization hamster must be working overtime!
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