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Riding the Table Saw

The most glorious act in all of middle school shop class. The weakest one is tied to the table saw by the strongest one, the smartest one turns on the saw, and the coolest one cranks the handle, spilling the blood in a way that makes my membranes quiver. The shop teacher finds this and begins to stab the children with a tool so diabolical, it must not be spoken of by name, lest the machinist in the basement hear the screams, and begin to mill the prototype.

Riding the table saw is the greatest achievement of the era, and is in practice throughout the galaxy.

by ellsworthtoohey January 21, 2018