Salty Geoff

When you’re on a boat and the frequency of the waves perfectly synchronises with your heartbeat causing a freak wave in your digestive tract - ultimately forcing you to abandon all humility and evacuate your bowels into any nearby receptacle (for example a bucket) irrespective of witnesses.

I thought I was going to make it into the harbour, but within barely thirty seconds a turtle head turned into a cloth toucher and I had to pull a Salty Geoff in front of my wife and her two best friends. It was only as I was leaning overboard rinsing the evidence away in the salty water that I realised what I had done and vowed instead to burn the bucket and never speak of the moment again.