Shartcuterie board

Where an individual is getting spanked with a paddle after having a spicy Indian takeaway from the night before then farts before following through and promptly shits all over the paddle, leaving a slurry of meat, vegetables and shit all over it.

Woman: Hey pookie why is the wooden paddle board in the bin?
Man: Sorry babe last night I accidentally turned the paddle into a shartcuterie board.