Sidewalk Linebacker

A relative of the Mall Zombie, these specimens usually travel in groups of three to six, spreading themselves out over the full width of a sidewalk to prevent anyone behind them from getting past without pulling a "Red Rover" maneuver. Like the Mall Zombie, Sidewalk Linebackers often eat themselves into maximum girth to increase their progress-blocking capabilities.

Dude, I would have been on time but I spent the last three blocks trapped behind these fucking Sidewalk Linebackers!

4👍 1👎