Spunky Dildohammer

Obtain a jar of japanese mayonnaise and slather your stale hawt dawg with it. Tell your blind or visually impaired sexin' woman that you're gonna pleasure her with a dildo and butt plug. Lube up a dildo and butt plug in front of her. Stuff the butt plug in her beaver and jam your mayonnaised schlong into her mudflaps. She'll think it's the dildo, til you squirt your baby gravy in there. Then thwap your shrinking dong on her breasts. You must eat half of a Wild Berry Pop Tart during this process, and when you've finished jam the other half into her fuzzy cumdumpster.

Tom Selleck: hey babe want me to rub my moustache on you tonight?
Someone's Mom: Nah. I'm in the mood for plastic tonight.
Tom Selleck: PREPARE TO BE PULVERIZED!
(5 min. later)
Someone's mom: OMG that wasn't a dildo! That was a Spunky Dildohammer
Tom Selleck: I know.

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