Taffy Waffy

Fat Essex bloke who eats many pies. Rides a fat motorbike, and also a dog called jasper. Tries to go running once a year, but is usually put-off by the prospect of half a chicken with curry sauce from the chippy. Has the ability to look at two people at the same time although they're standing 15m apart.

"Why haven't u got any pies left?"
"Taff came in earlier for a light snack. You'll have to go to Mongolia to find a pie shop that he hasn't raided."

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