The Dying Swan

The extraordinary feat of anthropomorphic drama performed by a perfectly healthy teenager desperate to avoid school.

The teenager croaks, whines, whines and may even flutter non-existent wings before collapsing on the nearest couch.
They lie completely limp and keep speaking to a minimum, but may make a soft cooing noise. They do their utmost to show their mother, by means of wincing and gasping, the sheer scale of the physical agony they are bravely enduring. Experienced swans may even manage to squeeze out a tear, or look pale and vomit on demand.

Me: Is Katherine going in today?
Mum: No. She's very ill. Very ill indeed. She's got a very high temperature and looks just awful.
Me: What?! It's just the dying swan act! I saw her put the thermometer in the microwave when you went to get dressed!

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Dying swan

An overly dramatic female who believes (or is attempting to convince others) they are dying from a usually minor ailment. An expert user of Dr Google, and calling ambulances for transport to hospital, when they have adequate private transport. Able to use a phone to take selfies, whilst complaining of (>/= 15/10) pain to any health/medical professional willing to listen. Usually found in the foetal position, crying with an item (e.g. hand, blanket or clothing) covering their face, whilst talking on the phone. More dramatic then a 2yr old mid tantrum. The female equivalent to the boy who cried wolf...but more exaggerated emotional behaviour.

We have a dying swan in the waiting room. Came via ambulance. Cannot walk due to a productive cough. Believes she is suffering from a life threatening condition.

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