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A variation on the Captain Blackbeard maneuver.
The Santa Claus is a sexual act in which a person is anally fucking their partner, and then they pull out and begin to give a rim job. Their partner, a gassy individual, farts all of the accumulated cum into the face of the rim job giver.
The resulting appearance is a white beard resembling Santa Claus.
Bob and Tom were having butt sex. Tom started to give Bob a rim job, and Bob gave Tom the Santa Claus
6👍 7👎
The fat bastard who didn't give me a Bumblebee Transformer in 1985, and will die a slow, painful death for being such a lying son of a bitch.
Me: All I want this year is a Bumblebee Transformer.
Santa Claus: Alright, you've got it.
--- Christmas morning 1985 ---
Me: (sobbing) Mommy, I didn't get a Bumblebee Transformer.
Mommy: Santa must not have had enough in stock for all the demand.
Me: (yelling) I don't give a shit, he's a fucking lying fat bastard!
--- Christmas Eve 2010 ---
Santa Claus: What the...? Who are you?
Me: I'm the kid you didn't get off your fat ass to find a Bumblebee Transformer for in 1985.
Santa Claus: I'm sorry.
Me: You will be sorry when I feed you your own nuts! Where's my scissors? And by the way, the Bumblebee Transformer isn't too hard to find now. I've got one right here. Bend over and I'll show it to you.
1954👍 443👎
a pedophile who comes into homes looking for children from the ages of 2-9 to molest. He comes down the chimey, eats the cookies and milk the kids leave out, goes upstairs to molest the children, and then leaves a present thanking the little ones for their service.
Mom: "What are you asking Santa Claus for this christmas."
Kid : " A tazer."
Mom: "Why would you ask for that?!"
Kid: "So he can stop coming to our house. He takes off my clothes and makes me do weird things. A tazer could stop him for sure."
Mom: ......
268👍 67👎
A red communist fat ass who doesn't know how to shave and owes me a pogo stick.
Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Me: There is nothing good about who you are or what you do.
277👍 71👎
Every boys idol because he's knows where all the naughty girls live.
Jonny: Santa, I just want something that will makes me really happy on Christmas Day.
Santa Claus: Well Jonny, I know what Jenny does when everyone else is asleep.
286👍 87👎
A drunk fat guy in a red suit who broke my heart at a mall when I was little.
Santa Claus: Tony, have you been nice this year?
Me: Yea, Santa!
Santa Claus: NO YOU HAVEN'T YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH, I SAW YOU TAKE A CRAP IN THAT LADY'S PURSE!
Me: :(...
471👍 177👎
The GREATEST ninja of all time!!!
1. He can't be seen
2. Only a true ninja can break into that many houses, undetected, in one night
3. He taught reindeer to hover and fly, and we all know that, while only superheros and ninja can fly, only a ninja can teach other lifeforms to do it too... that's right, the reindeer had to become ninjas too.
Kid: I'm gonna stay up and try to see Santa Claus :D
Brother: No!!! don't do that!!! I heard, that the reason his suit is red is from the blood of children trying to sneak a peek at him...
Kid: Huh? Santa kills you if you see him?
Brother: He HAS to! It's the code of the ninja! They're not supposed to be seen. You see them; they kill you!
Kid: (Cries)
185👍 79👎