The Master Cleanse Diet

A ridiculous diet made popular by celebs, especially Beyonce after she lost 20 pounds on it. Basically, you eat and drink nothing but lemon maple syrup water for at least ten days. Your body goes into starvation mode and you drop, like, FIFTY BAZILLION POUNDS. The recipe for the master cleanse juice is:

60 ounces of filtered water

12 Tablespoons of organic grade B maple syrup

12 Tablespoons of organic lemon juice

1/2 Teaspoon cayenne pepper powder

I've tried it once. ONCE. Nearly died; I felt as if I would never feel happy ever again (lol dementors)

I dropped about seven to nine pounds in on week, but felt like a living corpse. All I could do to avoid the hunger was sleep. All day. The mere mention of food or dining made me feral.

Pretentious Betch: Oh snap, I can't fit into these size 00 jeans. Time to guzzle some master cleanse!

Logical Size 4 Girl: The master cleanse diet? As in, to cleanse yourself of toxins? You're doing it to cleanse, right?

Pretentious Betch: Suuuuure am!

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