two cows

An analogy to explain a certain (usually political) system, beginning with the statement "you have two cows" and explaining what would happen to them under that system, sometimes involving your neighbours and often the government.

Popularly used for many things, including video games and religions.

Two cows: You have two cows. You use them to explain a political system.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You milk them and sell the milk.

Democracy: You have two cows. You and your neighbours vote on who gets the milk.

Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord tithes most of the milk and lets you keep the rest.

Zork: You have two cows. They get eaten by grues.

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You have two cows ...

The beginning scentence in a series of political and economic jokes. "You have two cows..." jokes began as a parody of typical intro-course material in college level economics featuring a "farmer in a moneyless society, using his cattle and produce to trade with his neighbors."

The cows are used as a metaphor for currency, capital, means of production, and property.

"Two cows" jokes typically portray an outsider's view on many cultural and economic issues using paradox, and sarcasm.

You have two cows ...
ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.

CANADIANISM: You have two cows. The bank takes both of them, shoots one, throws away the milk and you shoot yourself.

SOVIET: You have two cows. You count them and realize you have
four cows. You drink more Vodka. You count the cows again and realize you have eleventy six cows. You drink even more Vodka. After a while, you realize that eleventy isn't a real number. You count the cows again and have two cows. You open another bottle of Vodka and try to drown the loss of eleventy four cows.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products. You go bankrupt.

UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

FRISBEETARIANISM: You have two cows. One of them flies up on the roof and gets stuck. You hope the government provides cow ladders.

Intel Pentium 60 - A80501-60
You have 2.0000000056987983 cows.

In the marketing department
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of two thousand millicows!

Fact
You really have 0 cows.

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🐮 Two Japanese Dairy Cows 🐮

In August 2025 it'll be 80 years since these two Japanese dairy cows began to be exploited, i.e. to whiten Japan's notorious history from early 1930s to 1945 — and once again the majority of the international media fail to put these cows, Hiroshima and Nagasaki into any kind of historic context. So let's put things into perspective; ca. 250,000 Japanese died from the two atomic bombs whereas Japan's acts killed tens of million people, no one knows the exact number and the Japanese themselves have a national amnesia about this matter.

The Japanese emphasize and portray themselves as victims regarding the end of WWII. Actually those bombs were a blessing to them and hence they could begun their self-deception by considering themselves as if they were the only victims in Asia and the Pacific Theater though they were the worst butchers of the era worldwide.

So when the global media recall once again the anniversary of the dropping of a-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and cry for those 250k victims, meanwhile memories fade away of the Pacific War and Japan's genocidal campaign in China that alone killed over 20 million people by using unspeakable brutality, just recall Nanjing in China (Nanking at the time), or the Unit 731 in Manchuria and its human experiments etc., you name it — considering the anniversary of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and recalling what the Imperial Japanese Army did, then this anniversary feels like a sick and hypocritical phenomenon.

A biological miracle; 🐮 Two Japanese Dairy Cows 🐮 have been milked for decades

Two Japanese Dairy Cows

In August 2025 it'll be 80 years since these two Japanese dairy cows began to be exploited, i.e. to whiten Japan's notorious history from early 1930s to 1945 — and once again the majority of the international media fail to put these cows, Hiroshima 🐮 and Nagasaki 🐮 into any kind of historic context. So let's put things into perspective; ca. 250,000 Japanese died from the two atomic bombs. Just for the record, Japan's acts killed tens of million people, no one knows the exact number and the Japanese themselves have a national amnesia about this matter.

The Japanese emphasize and portray themselves as victims regarding the end of WWII. Actually those bombs were a blessing to them and hence they could begun their self-deception by considering themselves as if they were the only victims in Asia and the Pacific Theater though they were the worst butchers of the era worldwide.

So when the global media recall once again the anniversary of the dropping of a-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and cry for those 250k victims, meanwhile memories fade away of the Pacific War and Japan's genocidal campaign in China that alone killed over 20 million people by using unspeakable brutality, just recall Nanjing in China (Nanking at the time), or the Unit 731 in Manchuria and its human experiments etc., you name it — considering the anniversary of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and recalling what the Imperial Japanese Army did, then this anniversary feels like a sick and hypocritical phenomenon.

A biological miracle; two Japanese dairy cows have been milked for decades.