To be exceptionally useless at video games. Games that induce particularly high levels of distress in a Useless Mike are games such as Goldeneye and Pro Evolution Soccer 4. The holy grail for Useless Mikeism is the game Mario Kart 64 where Mike's uselessness is completely unrivalled, even by Duffy.
Wow, that banana was really obvious! Can't believe he hit it. What a Useless Mike!