Wiggle police

An individual that gets upset when you masturbate when he or she is not present to participate in the sexual activity.

Person 1- What did you do today?
Person 2 - Woke up at 9, ate something, showered and then wiggled my thing ( masturbated).
Person 1- Why did you do that without me? You are an asshole.
Person 2- Who do you think you are? The wiggle police? Shut the fuck up!!!