William Halpern

New Paltz middle school quire teacher who claims he is fourteen, but some sources point towards him being twenty-eight. Tall, awkward and a little geeky, Mr. Halpern uses finger-guns more than the average twelve-year-old. He has been depicted artistically as both a llama and a dinosaur, and both fit him very well.

"Who's that awkward eight grader?" "Oh, that's William Halpern."