Wooden plank

Refers to a man or woman who is inept at interacting in sexual intercourse due to excess of alcohol, particularly in the case of the man.

Gertrude turned to Ernest and said;
“Fuck me you are a wooden plank aren’t you, how much have you had to drink”
Ernest frowned solemnly and preceded to dress himself and take a cab home.

Wooden Plank

The opposite of nimble. Normally this term is used in sports.

Teammate 1: That guy lost the ball as soon as we passed it to him wtf
Teammate 2: Yea don't pass to that wooden plank again