Academitis

Academitis is a condition that afflicts middle to upper class people educated to PhD level. Symptoms include: a distorted perception of self that is manifested as either arrogance or low self-esteem; fear of failure; blind ambition; self-imposed anxiety and depression with bouts of mania; mid- to high-level substance abuse. Sufferers of Academitis avoid discussing their emotions by intellectualizing them, frequently referring to books and articles written on the subject. The condition is likely to be accompanied by obsessive-compulsive behavior and thought processes.

I am not sure if I developed Academitis because of my PhD or if I am doing a PhD because I suffer from Academitis.

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academic

as an adjective -- insufferably obtuse
as a noun -- an un-entertaining charlatan

adj.: that essay was so downright academic i didn't even bother taking my benzos before bed.

noun: this academic keeps going on and on about the most insanely boring shit practically nobody has ever heard of.

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academic validation

feeling achieved or appreciated when receiving praise in school. while it can be a good motivator, constantly seeking academic validation can become a problem mentally. this can lead to purposefully overworking yourself to feel that adrenaline rush that comes with good marks.

Mom: Why are your grades so bad?
Me: Because I seek academic validation to the point where if I can't do it perfectly the first time then there's no use in trying at all.

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academic welfare

The dumbing-down of standards at branch/regional campuses so that their lower-class students can pass and ultimately graduate.

Man, this test was hard! Where's my "academic welfare"?

The "academic welfare" situation at Miami Hamilton is necessary for their mouth-breathers.

Without that "academic welfare" at MUH, his lazy butt would have failed out long ago!

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Academic Weapon

An individual (typically a student) that acquires traits that are seen by many as scholarly.

Tyler is an academic weapon, he manages to take 4 AP courses, while still being on honor roll every semester.

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academic bulemia

The process of learning or memorizing by rote, subsequently followed by the regurgitation of that knowledge onto an exam answer sheet. Just as with the serious eating disorder, this form of bulemia results in no real retention of substance.

This term is frequently applied to describe a common practice of young medical students.

I can't remember anything that I learned last night. It's like I grabbed the answer sheet, puked out all the answers and forgot everything immediately. I'd say that's academic bulemia.

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Academic Wank

Academic Wank describes a writing method employed by students of any subject, (but especially psychology,) who may not necessarily have all the facts at their fingertips, but need to pad-out an essay with some generalised waffle in order to meet the minimum word-count requirement for the coursework set. Often used most in the early hours of the morning before a deadline, academic wank must be employed alongside content with actual intellectual merit in order to not result in a fail. Requires less research than an essay that will get you a first class degree.

"The research methods essay? yeah, I didn't use enough references really, but I typed out some academic wank and handed it in anyway."

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