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Jacking off; Male masturbation.
I am going to stay home and beat the monkey.
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Pleasuring one's self near the groin area.
"I found a picture of my ex-girlfriend nude and my mother caught me beating the monkey."
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to mastrabate in a male manner
"go beat your monkey jack" said richie
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When someone in school gets such a low score on a multiple choice test that a monkey filling in random answers would have beaten them.
Deon: What the..? I got a 12% on my biology midterm!
Poindexter: Weren't there only 4 possible answers for each question? You should have gotten a 25% even if you guessed on every single one!
Deon: How can this be? How can I know LESS than nothing?
Poindexter: Haha, you got beat by the monkey.
3👍 1👎
To masturbate with one hand while slowly defectating in your other hand. Then when experiencing climax you cum and fling the feces as hard as you can simultaneously.
"Dude whats that stain on the wall?"
"I Beat off Like a Monkey the other day."
"Haha sick!"
4👍 1👎
To be badly beaten by hoards of individually pathetic opponents. The expression is believed to be derived from an event that occurred to a cutter who was severely injured by a hoard of angry spider monkeys. However, it's also used commonly by soldiers referring to fellow trained fighters who're defeated by civilians...
Poor Captain Jack, he was an MMA fighter but he still got beat by the monkeys when he was drunk at a grocery store and started a fight with some bagboys.
To "beat the monkey to the road" is to anticipate an issue and take steps to mitigate it before it becomes a problem. Being proactive.
"Let's beat the monkey to the road and pick up the beer when we go for the crabs. We don't want to be stuck sitting in traffic!"