belaboring his pumpkin

1. beating the top of one's head

2a. having sex with a pumpkin*
2b. masturbating

*Fun fact: If you have sex with a pumpkin, you are actually having sex with a fruit, not a vegetable...so the taboo does not apply!

1. From Canto XVIII of Dante's "Inferno" (Longfellow translation):

And he thereon, belaboring his pumpkin:
"The flatteries have submerged me here below,
Wherewith my tongue was never surfeited."

2. I have to go bail my uncle out. They picked him up for belaboring his pumpkin in a Wal-Mart dressing room.