boob test

When a woman presses her chest against a wall, if her nose touches the wall before her boobs do, she passes.

Her boobs were so big she had 3 inches of space before her nose hit the wall.

She was so flat, she didn't pass the boob test so I sent her home.

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boob/gut test

The boob/gut test is an at-a-glance way to quickly determine (on a pass/fail basis) whether a woman has a proportionately attractive figure (or instead is overweight or just has an unflattering shape).

The idea is that when a woman is standing up straight and viewed from the side, her breasts should protrude farther forward than her stomach or gut, or at the very least they should stick out equally. If however a woman's stomach or gut sticks out farther forward than her breasts, it is a visual indication that she is either overweight or oddly-proportioned.

Please note: The boob/gut test allows for a wide range of sizes and shapes of women to be considered attractive; the consistent factor is that to be most attractive a woman's breasts should always stick out farther than her gut or stomach. The boob/gut test is NOT to be applied to pregnant women as one would naturally expect a pregnant woman's midsection to enlarge significantly while carrying a child, something many consider to be a very beautiful thing.

Also note: Poor posture (i.e. slouching) often causes easily-avoidable boob/gut failures.

Two guys sitting in a bar, looking over at a couple pretty ladies nearby:

Greg: "Hey Jim, take a look at the woman there with the red hair and the green eyes... she is so pretty! I really want to go talk with her and meet her!"

Jim: "Hold on a second, Greg-- I agree she's quite attractive... But wait until you see her standing up so you're sure she passes the boob/gut test. You remember what happened last weekend when we talked with those ladies at the tiki bar."

Greg: "Good call, Jim. I do want to make sure she is as sexy as she is pretty before I ask her out!"

Saggy Boob Test

A test to determine if your boobs are a) saggy or not and b) how saggy they are

Firstly sit back in a chair or sit up in bed and place a pencil on the underside of your breast. If the nipple resides below the pencil then the boob is saggy.

There is then a scale to determine how saggy the boob is by the number of pencils it takes to get to the nipple

Scale:

1 pencil = saggy
2 pencil = deflated

3 pencil = empty

4 pencil = completely drained

5 pencil = witch tits

6 pencil = completely ruined

7 pencil = football socks

8 pencil = sausage tits

I'm going to do the saggy boob test today to see how saggy my tits are