cock review

A detailed, in-depth essay on the pros and cons of your cock. While the most obvious focus of a cock review is indeed the size, a thorough reviewer will also consider the general shape and visual aesthetics of the cock, its length-to-girth ratio (you neither want a chode nor a noodle), the physical hardness, the smell (or absence thereof), taste, and surface texture.

-Hey dude, can you give me a quick cock review? No homo.
-Sure bro, do you have a pen and paper? I'll need three pages at least, ideally five.