colon slap

When you evacuate your colon so fast that the intestinal walls slap together and cause pain.

The condition usually occurs after consuming bulk fiber or Pho noodles that act like a sort of turd rebar. The vacuum created by eliminating this exceptionally long and fat fiber dumpling at high speed causes the colon walls to collapse and impact each other.

You: Boss, I have to leave work because I've just had an instance of colon slap.

Boss: Okay, have a craptastic day and cut back on the Pho noodles and bulk fiber.