congestive conjunctivitis

Congestive conjunctivitis is the illness you fake when you don't want to see your girlfriend for some reason.

Often times it's when your girlfriend is overweight or clingy.

Made famous by Jack Black in Shallow Hal.

You going to hang out with your girlfriend tonight?

No, she's gained a lot of weight lately. I think I have a bad case of congestive conjunctivitis.