critically caucasion

adj. A person who is pale and/or so fair skinned they would burn under a lightbulb.

You may be critically caucasion if, say, it’s beautiful outside, you want to enjoy the day so you lather on the SPF, head outside for an a couple hours running errands/playing with your kids/ a drive with the sunroof open.

The next day you wake up in pain, it hurts to move, your skin is so red and sore. You’ve got some weird tan lines and all you did was go outside yesterday!

Victim: “I got the worst sunburn yesterday. I applied sunscreen, stayed in the shade, wore a hat. I’m in so much pain...what did I miss?”

Friend: “Well, you're critically caucasion. So there’s that...”