Dressing the Dog

To Dress the dog means to place socks, mittens or rags around a dogs paws just before intercourse to prevent un-necessary scratching to your back.

Pete: Has anyone seen my white socks?

Ian: Yes - Craig is upstairs dressing the dog with them
Pete: Dressing the dog? what do you mean?
Ian: Craig is using your socks to prevent claw marks on his back when he gets roughly mounted by Fido
Pete: Ahhhh - thats ok then - so you think he will tag me in for a go?
Ian: Sure - if you put a schmacko in your ass you may even get a good rimming - Dogs go wacko for schmacko's

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mutton dressed as dog dirt

An ugly, often old has been, who's trying to look sexy by wearing a short skirt and make up, making a small improvement from the accident she had with the ugly tree

'Ere, Bri, you seen that old bird in accounts in that short skirt? Aye, mutton dressed as dog dirt

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