eric loftin

a man whose gas tank is perpetually on E, only runs from "teeth or badges," but somehow he gets away every time!! So don't ask him to run to the corner market for anything that u will need in the next 14hrs bc he is preoccupied being a racecar driver (check your local news reports for updates). U will NEVER be stuck anywhere with this guy bc surprise! he is a mechanic w more tricks up his sleeveless tee than inspector gadget. expert tea maker ("don't squeeze the tea bag"). a guy who is a no bs kinda man, the kind who will throw a firecracker between opposing parties when all they wanna do is pussyfoot before the fight. all told, this is a man u hope is on your team and not the guy against u. and god help u if u stand betw him and his gf.

Mark: Did you hear about the 5 hour stand-off between SWAT and that guy who lives on the corner?
Jimmy: Yeah dude, that was Eric Loftin getting the party started. I can't believe the cops didn't even find the g-ride he drove there. The cops stole his truck after they made him drive it down the mountain himself.