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Fairbanks, Alaska is where hippies, quakers, rednecks, laborers, natives, and any combination thereof usually live, and where army guys come to take dumps and pick up teenagers on myspace. We also get tourists, who support the troops by parking RVs in the Wal-Mart parking lot. The dropout rate is 50% and the suicide rate is the highest in the country.
Fairbanks seems nice for a while, but once you get to know it you find out it's a lot like Stephen King's imagining of Derry, Maine with more freaked-out alcoholics. If you doubted before that a whole town could be insane, you will no longer. You know those magic mirrors with an evil world on the other side? Whitehorse, YT is on the good side of the mirror, and Fairbanks is the bad side. Repeat: Fairbanks is the bad side of the mirror.
Granddad, how come everyone in Fairbanks drinks all the time?
To forget, Billy. There's things in the snow we'd just as soon forget.
And how come everyone has night terrors where they scream in tongues about the old ones, and wake up with bleeding noses?
Well, Billy, I haven't lived many other places but I suspect that happens to everyone. Yep, I reckon it's just part of the human condition.
268👍 59👎
Raddest city in Alaska! Anchorage is too big and is only good for shopping. And the rest of it..... is pretty great too but Fairbanks beats their asses hands down!
Resident of Fairbanks #1: Wanna go to the Bentley Mall?
Resident of Fairbanks #2: No. Walmart is better!
Oh yes... this is how bad that mall sucks but it is totally incredible! And it's the only mall in town so we better like it!
139👍 98👎
Fairbanks is the coldest City in all of the United States. It’s one of the coldest cities in all of Alaska, temperatures can drop to -60 degrees every winter and the town averages -40 degrees every single day in the month of January. If you do decide to live here you’ll run away after one week. The winters here are dark and are very depressing and most don’t make it without becoming alcoholics or suicidal. It’s a good town with very good welcoming people but it’s definitely not a place for everyone.
Person 1: You Won’t Believe it......Im Moving To Fairbanks!
Person 2: YOU CRAZY ASS BITCH!
10👍 3👎
when a person (most commonly fairbank) askes you to do somthing that you do not wish to do, but because of the forcefullness of the person you can not refuse
after she had asked me to clean out her office i knew that i couldn't say no and that i had been fairbanked.
96👍 16👎
When one is so drunk at a strip club that you are actually falling asleep at the table, only to awaken to a stripper or random patron holding a one-sided conversation with you. Named after a popular strip club in Toronto.
Dude, do you remember anything about the strip club last night?
Bro, we totally fairbanked. I still don't know what that stripper was talking about before I swatted her away.
21👍 3👎
It's when a guy gets drunk off of smirnoff ice (yes, the girl drink) and literally asks a girl to give him head but she says no.
To pull a Fairbank is human, to actually get head divine.
16👍 6👎
A disappointing event made less disappointing by comparing it to the alternatives available in Fairbanks, Alaska. Or, an event in Fairbanks, Alaska that would be disappointing in a larger city.
The concert wasn't that great, but there wasn't anything else going on, so it was Fairbanks good.
72👍 7👎