Random
Source Code
Random
The biggest, SUV on the road. Optional 5.4 L V-8 (standard), 6.8 L V-10 (ricer killer), or 6.0 L/7.3 L Powerstroke V-8 Diesel (powerhouse). They are usually found being meandered around by a soccer mom or a redneck, weigh nearly 8000 pounds, use a runway to stop, handle like trucks, and chug down gas. However, when used properly, they justify these characteristics.
The Pilot: In the hands of a soccer mom, they can, and do, pancake Prii (Priuses). In the hands of a redneck, they can be seen being used in a reckless and stupid fashion. However, in the hands of a capable driver, they can be very safe and don't typically run into anything.
Maneuverability: They're big. They need space. If you know what you're doing, you can move them into and out of the most cramped parking spaces.
Weight: They're big. They weigh a lot, there is no way out of this one.
Long Stop: Factors like brake, tire, and road conditions play critical roles. If the driver is observant though, they can usually stop in time or maneuver around the obstacle.
Handling: The F-250 truck frame is responsible.
MPG: Dismal, but they are amazing people movers. When loaded to capacity (8 people), their 15 MPG are justified. BONUS: Plenty of power. It goes in the snow too.
All in all, they only become viable when you need to move people in a climate that can be less than favorable, or if you need an SUV that can do the job of an F-250 (i.e.tow a trailer). Small wonder they are no longer made.
Walking down the street.
Guy 1: Is that a tank coming down the sidewalk?
Guy 2: NO! It's a soccer mom in a Ford Excursion! Run for your life!
Guy 1: Damn, that thing's big.
Phone call between work buddies:
Worker 1: You gonna come to work?
Worker 2: Nah, there's a foot of snow on the ground, my Suburban won't make it.
Worker 1: You're not gonna slack off this time, I'm gonna come pick you up in the Excursion.
Worker 2: I thought you used that to tow your RV?
Worker 1: I do. My Expedition won't make in the snow either.
Worker 2: Do I have to come to work?
Worker 1: Yes!
In a V-10 Excursion when confronted by a ricer at a light:
Ricer: *Fart can Revs
Driver: If I ignore him, he'll go away.
*Ricer guns it, goes weedeating down the street.
*Excursion does a sensible, controlled acceleration, but doesn't keep up with the ricer, as he's not racing.
Ricer: I win.
Driver: We weren't racing.
Ricer: You just say that 'cause you lost. *Fart Rev
Driver: It's game time. *Screaming V-10 Rev (Pure unadulterated awesome)
*Light change
*Ricer guns it, goes weedeating down the street.
*Excursion guns it, goes powering down the street.
*Excursion overtakes ricer with the aid of 310 hp (if racing a ricer that does meaningful mods, about the same) and 425 lb·ft of torque (probably five times more) despite the fact that it's at least four and a half times heavier.
*Ricer resorts to a ricer flyby.
Moral of the story: Ricers suck, torque wins races.
73👍 9👎
An awesome super large SUV made by Ford from 2000-2005. The SUV for the hard-core soccer-mom. Was designed like a Super Duty truck and was intended for rural or commercial use. But it got popular with suzy-homemakers instead. It's cons outweighed it's pros (poor fuel mileage, not being able to fit in suburban garages, etc) so Ford quit making them. Driving this SUV screams a big "fuck you" to all the liberal Prius drivers out there.
Son: Hey Mom, I think you hit that Prius on the way home from Soccer practice!!
Mom: That was just a speed bump, honey...
Son: Then why is there a Door stuck in the grill!!
Mom: Oh crap...not again!! We have to get rid of that Ford Excursion.
33👍 9👎
A large oversized Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV) that gets stuck in 6 inches of snow. This gas guzzling 2WD with 20in rims frequently gets stuck in its owners driveway, resulting in a 2010 Honda Accord pulling it onto the road with a 25k tow strap. (yes there are pictures)
Ford Excursion Owner: "Shit...I can't get my truck out of my yard..."
Honda Owner: "Hold on man, I still have my tow strap from my old truck in the trunk."
Ford Excursion Owner: "HAHAHA.. You think that HONDA can pull my Excursion up that hill in the snow.."
Honda Owner: "All I ask is that you let me get pictures of this..."
Ford Excursion Owner: "Deal.."
30 sec later
Ford Owner: "shoulda bought a honda"
12👍 58👎
clearly another attempt by mankind to continue chipping away at earths already fragile ecosystem. manufactured solely for the purpose of depleating natural resources such as oil and oxygen at a much faster rate than other bus-sized vehicles. republicans love 'em.
" i can't wait to show the guys at the country club my new ' W The President ' sticker on my ford excursion! "
58👍 82👎