fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom

An insult that can be used as an alternative to "fuck me" or "fuck me sideways" and can avoid actions that look like fucking someone sideways. Also an insult that can be used against others because they are simply an ass or they are stupid, and as such, deserve really painful sex.

-Why the hell did you yell your ex's name when you had sex with your girl?
-Fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom.

-Dude, where the hell are you?
-I'm stuck behind this old fart.
-Go fuck him sideways with a sandpaper condom, it's your damn fault you woke up late.

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