Hurty Turds

Noun: Can denote a case of extreme constipation, but also a case of diarrhea, in which one has shat so much that the rectal area becomes irritated. Can also be used when one has consumed extremely spicy foods, causing the fecal matter to be spicy itself, and burn the anus as it exits, or large amounts of dairy product, such as cheese. Basically, any bowel movement that causes discomfort or pain.

Jeez, I really love that curry chicken my coworker made, but it gave me a raging case of the hurty turds.

That hurty turd was so damned big, I thought I was gonna have to have an episiotomy!!!! I was in the corner like Rocky, screaming "Cut me, Mick!!!!"