Mass Brain

A viral condition common in people who attend mass and then proceed to do their grocery shopping. Symptoms include a lack of environmental awareness, ignorance, inability to listen, dilly-dallying and camping shopping aisles in an attempt to figure out if they want to buy a product or not. This condition is especially common in senior shoppers who have attended mass and have now decided to slow down retail staff due to their lack of perception. “Mass Heads” can usually be identified by their woollen clothing, thick prescription glasses, slow pace and downright brain dead questions.

Old man : How’ya Mary? Any craic this morning?

Old woman: Ah John are ye well? I’ve a fierce case of Mass Brain this morning, the priest fairly blabbered on about the New Testament and now I’ve the notion to stand in the middle of a busy shop chatting pish.

Old man: Ah Jaysus! You and me both!