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A cultural phenomenon wherein a group of Midwesterners, after gathering for an event, like say a meal at restaurant, spend nearly as much time in the establishment's parking lot as they did sharing the meal saying their goodbyes. News tidbits not discussed previously are shared, plans for future gatherings are made, things are borrowed, given, and returned. After the conversation, the group moves to a round of hugs, and not infrequently, impromptu plans are made on the spot to meet at one of the guest's homes to continue the gathering, after which the cycle repeats.
"Honey, I thought you said you'd be home by dark and now it's 11pm!?"
"Sorry, Hun, me and the boys got caught up in a Midwestern Goodbye and we all ended up at Jake's for beers in his living room."
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A Midwestern Goodbye is a way to leave an event, party, or any gathering of people. The way one does a Midwestern Goodbye is to go to the door, grab your coat and proceed to talk to your host for multiple hours while next to the door. No matter the soberness of yourself or your host you must engage in an enriching conversation covering recent and past topics and events. A Midwestern Goodbye is commonly associated with Minnesota Nice
Minnesotan 1 : Welp I suppose I should better get going, gotta go to the mall before we get home.
Minnesotan 2 : Which mall?
Minnesotan 1 : Oh just old Ridgedale off of Highway 12
Minnesotan 2 : Really? I’ve never been there.
Minnesotan 1 : Well let me tell you about Ridgedale!
Ext.
Commentator : Welp that’s a case of a Midwestern Goodbye!
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A midwestern goodbye is like purgatory. There is no escape.
When you're little it happens like this:
You: MAMA WHEN ARE WE GOING HOME *CRIES* I'M TIRED
Your Mama: Just a couple more minutes, I have to say bye and find your daddy
You: Okay :)
*7 hours later*
Your daddy: *slaps knee and sighs* Welp, I spose. We gots to get home, little Timmy is tired
Your uncle: You haven't even finished your beer
Your daddy: I'm driving pal
Your uncle: Lemme walk you to your car then
Your daddy: *rolls down the window to talk to your uncle*
*3 hours later*
Your daddy: oh gosh look at the time, we gots to get goin.
Your uncle: Your tire is looking a lit flat there bud. roll er into the garage and I'll top er off for ya
Your uncle: boy it sure is chilly and I's can see your hot n cold ain't working too good, why don't yous come inside and I'll grab your leftovers too.
*the cycle of the midwestern goodbye will continue on until one of you dies*
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The point at a social gathering at which an attendee takes a deep breath, slaps his/her knees, and then gets up forcefully while saying something along the lines of "Well, time to head out."
Jonie - *sigh*"Well guys I'm gonna get out of here."
Billie - "Cool. Let me borrow 4 or 5 four a couple mcgriddles fam."
Richard - "You just witnessed that boy's textbook Midwestern Goodbye shit for the last time, fye me cuh?
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