New Year Flu

The sudden "sickness" that you catch, preventing you from completing your New Year's Resolution.

Bill: McDonalds? I thought you said your wife was going to try to lose weight this year.

Ray: She was going to sign up for the gym, but she caught the New Year Flu.

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New Year Flu

It is a sickness that is brought on by kissing random strangers at midnight of New Year's Eve. It exhibits many of the same symptoms of the common cold or flu.

My throat is killing me and all of my joints ache. I think I caught the New Year Flu from kissing those randoms at midnight.

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new swine flu

Twilight Series/Vampires; It's called the new swine flu cause it's everywhere and infecting people.

Shopper: OMFG! They have everything "New Moon" here! I am so annoyed.

Me: Yep, it's the new swine flu. Enjoy. Soo...when are they going to come out with Edward blow up dolls or condoms?

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New flu

Covid-19

Unbeknownst to the masses COVID-19 has become the new flu…

New York Flu Like Symptoms

Fever* or feeling feverish/chills.
Cough.
Sore throat.
Runny or stuffy nose.
Muscle or body aches.
Headaches.
Fatigue (tiredness)
Some people may have vomiting and diarrhea, though this is more common in children than adults.

While sometimes described as "New York Flu Like Symptoms" it's also described as:

Derby Drudge
Hong Kong Cough
San Fran Scam
Natomas Nap
Ventura Dysteria

Vaginal Myalgia

All of these conditions have one thing in common. Proximity to John "Youngie" Young.

AKA: Midget porn expert
Tax avoidance expert
Analogies disguised as metaphors expert

Chainsaw repair expert
Train spotting expert (not the kettles, he doesn't "Fancy" those)
Navy Seal Expert
Derby Tourist Guide (gay bar) expert
etc, etc, etc,

While English, he speaks like a yank and has lost his accent. Soft as grease, a public school boy.

Sits too far back on his seat, can't get his knee down, doesn't warm his tires (tyres), buys crap tires, worlds best absentee Dad.

Stay away, his chronic vaginal myalgia (pain of his lady parts) will fill you with dread, wearing you down until you feel like you were hit by a subway.

I hung out with Youngie last night and I feel like crap. - Oh Dude, you got New York Flu Like Symptoms