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A phantom shit is the rare phenominon wherein a shit (usually of a solid, well-defined mars bar-like constitution) disappears entirely from sight before the shitee has a chance to admire his creation. A phantom shit completely submerges itself beneath the upper waters of a toilet-bowl in an instant.
Initially such an occurence brings on the sensation of euphoria. However, the bliss is quickly replaced by paranoia and self-doubt as one tries to recall if they did truly shit or not. Usually the doubt can be subdued by wiping ones ass and finding shit upon the toilet paper. However, if the shit was a clean run and the toilet paper produces no shit-stains, then symptons may intensify until the shitee becomes a paranoid retard who believes in, and creates, conspiracy theories.
-Bob squats over his toilet and unleashes a dump
-Bob rises to a stand and stares down at the toilet to find it empty. A phantom shit has occured.
-Astonished, Bob grabs for some toilet roll in a panic and wipes his ass
-The toilet roll produces no shit post-wipe and Bob runs away from the bathroom flailing his hands above his head whilst screaming
-Bob tells his friends that The Illuminati are in cahoots with giant-headed aliens in a plot to take over the world.
-Bob creates retarded websites and spends his life masterbating over sexless, fictional alien creatures.
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When you are sitting on the crapper and you force out what feels like a triple coiler and you look in the bowl of the toilet and its gone
"(on the phone after a phantom shit)"
Person A: i was just sitting on john for twenty minutes and i took the biggest shit of my life
Person B: Did you get a picture?
Person A: NO IT WAS A PHANTOM SHIT!!!
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A phantom shit is when you take such a big dump that it has the velocity to go through the pipes without you needing to flush and when you look down it has appeared to vanish.
person 1 : Jaysus, just had a giant shit. When I looked down to check the size of it, it had disappeared.
person 2 : So it was a "Phantom Shit" ?
person 1 : Yeah! Didn't even need to flush.
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A phantom is a shit that mystically appears in the vicinity of another person with no explanation as to who or how it was laid.
Example 1. While camping Rodney is woken by the sounds of birds chirping. He alights from his sleeping bag and unzips the tent fly. His nostrils are hit with the stench of a fresh turd and on looking down he observes a large Mr whippy shit. As he is camping with his friend Jerry he imagines it was him who laid "the phantom" but he has no proof.
Example 2. Sams neighbour's cat is using his front yard as a cat litter and depositing excrement on his property daily. One night Sam has finally had enough so he walks next door and does "a phantom" on the front door step. As he is a delivery driver at 5am on waking instead of pumping out a stomach cable on the porcelain throne he heads next door and phantoms next to the letterbox.
Some little fuck has done a "phantom shit" in my work boots that I left at the front door!
When you feel like you need to take a shit, but instead you just fart
Person 1: Yo, I thought I needed to shit, but instead I had a massive was fart
Person 2: That's a phantom shit
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A mysterious shit left by a person in an abnormal place to annoy another person, followed by a phone call to the victim whispering "The phantom has struck."
Example 1: "Oh my god someone has shit on a plate and put it in the fridge.
Example 2: Victim "What is that on top of the bonnet of my car? Christ that's somebody's shit."
Telephone Rings
Victim "Hello"
Phantom Shitter: "The phantom has struck"
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when you fart very slowly and it feels warm and wet and almost like you shit yourself
Guy 1: Oh no, I think I just shat myself, something came out all warm and wet
Guy 2: Check your underwear to make sure
Guy1: Dont worry it was only a phantom shit