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Russia's greatest love machine.
Ra Ra Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head
Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine
And so they shot him till he was dead.
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Born in 1869 as a peasant in Russia, this man had a serious sexual appetite which he exploited to its limits. Based on some of his preserved remains in a Russian museum, he had a 13-inch long penis, and legend has it that he used special powers to fuck over 100,000 women, including the Tzar's wife, the Tzar's four daughters, the Tzar's chambermaids, and the servant-girls in the Tzar's palace. That or he just pulled his pants down in their presence.
Rasputin started out as an alcoholic womanizer and joined a variation of Russian Orthodoxy called Skopsty, which is founded on the belief that the only way to reach God is through sin. when Rasputin finally became a monk, he travelled a lot, fucking to his heart's content, and tales of his travels and the supposed "magical healing powers" that the monk attained reached the ears of Tzar Nicholas II, whose son was ailing with hemophilia. Rasputin somehow managed to heal the boy and became an important person in the Tzars house. However, the Tzar's relatives were not too happy about the monk fucking their women with his 13-inch cock on a daily basis, so they conspired to kill him.
One night, Rasputin was invited by the conspirators to dinner. Everything was all planned out that night. He was supposed to drink the poisoned wine and eat the poisoned food and die. But that was not the case, because the Tzar's relatives saw in shock as the monk ate and drank enough poison to kill 6 people, and didn't seem to show any symptoms at all. So, they switched to plan B. They shot him, and found out that it didn't kill him. They kicked the crap out of him and saw that he was still twitching. They cut his dick off, and saw that it didn't work. They stabbed him repeatedly, but HE STILL DIDN'T DIE. So they finally wrapped up Rasputin's broken, breathing body and threw it into a river, where he finally died after several hours.
Unfortunately for the Tzar's family, they were assassinated four months later, ending the Romanov family line permanently.
Rasputin can also sometimes be used as a slang word for a big penis.
If I were Rasputin, I would just fuck and stay out of the limelight instead.
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1. The "starets" who helped bring down the Russian monarchy through his poor advice to Empress Alexandra when the reigns of the government were in her hands.
Rp1: What's up with the new minister that was just appointed?
Rp2: He's no good. The only reason he's there is that he supports Tsar Rasputin.
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one hard mother fucker who just wouldnt die, looked on with such desire to have lived a life like him.
sometimes refered to when describing hardness and will to live.
also to describe yourself as a threat should a husband find out your adultery.
hey hey rasputin, you solid mate.
husband: your f*cking my wife.. i'll kill you
you: watch it mate.. they dont call me rasputin for nothing
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Gregory Rasputin
Born:1869
Died:December 31, 1916
Cause of Death: multiple causes
Gregory Rasputin was an Eastern Orthodox monk from Siberia. He was unwashed, unclean, and unshaven. Rasputin was a carousing womaniser and monk with a 13 inch schlong. He developed close ties to the czar and his family and heeled czarovich Alexi's heamophila. His sexual appitite aroused all the women close to the czar but alienated all the czars relatives. One of the relatives prince Felix, conspired to kill Rasputin on December 31, 1916, New Year's Eve for being a bad influence on the Czar during World War I. He and other conspiritors poisioned all of Rasputin's food and wine with cyanide. One of the conspiritors dressed like a gypsy woman for the party. Rasputin swallowed enough poison to kill four horses. He was shot several times, stabbed, strangled, assaulted, castrated, and he was drowned in the Neva river in St. Petersburg. Three days later Rasputin was dead. Rasputin's murder was a death sentence for Czar Nicholas II and his family. Czar Nicholas II and his family was shot and murdered in 1918 in a Red Russian occupied middle class home.
THE END
Theory of Rasputin's life span: I beleve that the reason why Rasputin survived murder attempt arter murder attempt was that he had a bio-chemical in his system that kept him alive.
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Grigori Rasputin was a Russian monk and mystic, remembered mostly for his enormous penis and the fact that he just would not die.
He supposedly had some sort of healing powers, with which he healed the Tsar's son of hemophilia. He then developed a significant influence in the Russian empire's government through the Tsar's wife. Some other guys didn't like that, so they decided to kill him.
First, they fed him cyanide via some wine and cake. Keep in mind, this cyanide was enough to kill five men. He just stood up and walked away from it. One of the men then panicked and shot him. He still wasn't dead. So then, the entire party takes clubs and whatever blunt weapons they could find and begin beating him with these. Once beaten into submission, Rasputin was thrown into a river. When his body was recovered, the cause of death was deemed to be drowning.
Something that is not part of the story but is also fact is that, after Rasputin was buried, people exumed his body and tried to cremate him. His form appeared to sit up in the flames. However, there is a scientific explanation for this.
Overall, he was a guy that was very well-endowed, historically the hardest man to kill, and there was some disco song that somebody wrote about him.
Rasputin had a large influence on the Tsar's wife, but he is more remembered for the fact that it took so much to kill him.
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The act of Popping a Boner, Unzipping/Opening your pants, sticking it out, and waving it at a group of people, as to imitate the Crazy Russian Monk.
I got drunk and pulled a Rasputin at the poker game last night.
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