roller-hag

In recent years, lazy women everywhere have fallen in love with the airport roller-bag. This isn't about a true, specific need to transport heavy items over a distance on foot, conscientiously minding manners. No, a true roller-hag drags this freaking bag every day that she's forgotten her manners. She drags the bag wide to the side, limp arm outstretched so her lazy ass takes up as much sidewalk, escalator, doorway or walkway space as possible.

Roller-hag spotting:

- bag is rolling at a wide berth
- hag is often walking slowly
- the other hand usually has a phone
- she is out of shape
- the hag rarely picks up the bag for any number of steps, instead opting for lazily flopping it at odd angles.
- even if she sees you coming, she will not allow you--man or woman--to pass first, thus...
- roller-hags often have an unfortunate trail of victims trying to go around

Common locations of roller-hags:

- busy subway systems
- escalators
- elevator doors
- busy colleges
- other pedestrian rush locations
- anywhere you're trying to make good time

Survival tip:

If you see a roller-hag about to get in front of you and she has a drink held in a napkin or a snack, she's not in a rush, so you'd better get in front before she cuts you off. She is prone to stop at any moment to talk, sight-see, or find her phone.

Victim: I can go get coffee next door and be back in 10 minutes... ! Oh no! There goes a roller-hag! (picking up pace)... Must... get... to... sidewalk... first!

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