Santikos

Definition:

To add water to condiments when they run low, and then shake them to mix the sauce stuck to the side. Its modern context only implies the reduction of waste, and lacks the original greed of its namesake.

Etymology:

All Santikos Theaters in San Antonio add about 25% water to their self-service condiment pumps to ‘improve the texture’. Since John Santikos is Greek, this is automatically a lie and he really only aims to improve the texture of his wallet… from fat to fatter.

Classical: “What the fuck, this ketchup just ran right off my hot dog and now I have a pink soggy bun. It also sprayed on my face in the process. Who Santikos’d the pump? Oh well, I’ll just make a bigger mess in the auditorium.”

Modern: “Hey baby the mustard is farting, can you Santikos it for me?”

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