Statue-tory rape

Having sex with an inanimate object, especially a marble statue of a former president.

Guy 1: Did you hear about Dave? He got busted for statue-tory rape.
Guy 2: With a 16-year old?
Guy 1: No, with the Lincoln Memorial!
Guy 2: Are they going to lock him up for four score and seven years?
Guy 1: Dude!

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