Dante with both hands

When you hold an erect penis with one hand and "bop" it with the other hand.

"But Ms. Millnitch, Lucas is giving a dante with both hands in the bathroom!"

both hands on the phone

‘Both hands on the phone’ is a commonly used phrase in Wattpad comment sections. It refers to literally having both hands on your device and not just one and using the other to masturbate.

“Hey! Both hands on the phone!”

“Hey that person isn’t keeping both hands on their phone… disgusting.”

“What’s that mean anyway?”

“ ‘Both hands on the phone’ is a commonly used phrase in Wattpad comment sections. It refers to literally having both hands on your device and not just one and using the other to masturbate.”

“Ok thanks.”

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Jerking off with both hands

An expression for over-doing something, doing more work than is necessary to complete a task, or the general idea of using an ass-backwards method to achieve a relatively simple goal.

Yeah, well he's always jerking off with both hands.

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grab your ass with both hands

To take control of your situation.

Imagine you are stuck and would push ahead with your hands. Now imagine you are grabbing your ass with both hands to push yourself along.

Or grabbing your ass with both hands to lift yourself out of a problem.

Similar to pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, except more evocative.

My crisis-prone neighbor was whining about her latest self-inflicted fiasco.

I told her "grab your ass with both hands" and went out for a beer with my friends.

hands both ways

when a boy or a girl has received and given the act of fingering and a hand job.

furthest i've been is hands both ways.

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both hands on my junk

A phrase used to indicate that one is more than competent to deal with a situation and, frankly, they've got this shit handled.

Don't worry about it.

"Well, sounds like you've got it handled."

"OH, I'M HANDLING IT WITH BOTH HANDS ON MY JUNK!"

stroking it w/ both hands

when you're glazing someone so much, that its almost like you're putting double the work into it. - the more extreme version of "doing tricks on it"
extreme glazing.

"(artist) literally just released the best album ever"
"bro hop off, you're stroking it w/ both hands atp"