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When you beat your meat while everyone's home and forget to lock the door
Dude, I just had a suicidal jerk last weekend. It was sketchy
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When masturbating, right before blowing your load, yell "MOM!" or "DAD!" and try to finish before said person enters the room.
Oh man, i cant go out tonight i got grounded when i failed the suicide jerk.
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A suicide jerk is when you call your parents and ask them to come to your room and you try to finish jerking off before they walk in.
Sorry I can’t come over tonight my parents grounded me because I failed a suicide jerk.
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When masturbating, right before blowing your load, call your sister/brother (nigga you gay?), cousin, nephew etc. and try and finish before they enter the room.
"Yo bro my sister ended up fucking me after I did the Alabama Suicide jerk, so much for a weekend of fun"
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When masturbating, scream “MUM!” “DAD!” And try to blow your load before they enter the room, if you don’t do it in time you have to actually hang yourself.
Police 1: “How’d he go?”
Police2: “He attempted a double suicide jerk off.... And failed”
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April 14th is National Suicide Jerk Day!
Have fun, Don't get caught!
Hey bro tomorrow is National Suicide Jerk day you participating?
Nah I got caught last year... they threatened to neuter me!
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When calling into a suicide hotline, you jerk off as you tell the operator your story. As you get more emotional, you increase the speed of you jerking off. For those who are participating in this act, it kills two birds with one stone by relieving stress and having some sexual action.
As I told the operator my sob story, I came closer and closer to cumming, all while telling her about how I wanted to kill myself. The suicide hotline jerk has saved me many many times.
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