Tactical turd

The process of having of having a poo before you leave your house when you don't need to have one to not inconvenience yourself later on in the day and needing to have a poo when not in your house.

"Have you left yet?"
"Not yet, I'm having a tactical turd"

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Tactical Turd Toss

A self defense method to be used if you are on the toilet during an attack or invasion. You first stand up, grab hold of your tactical turd, then proceed to toss your tactical turd at the attacker or uninvited guest.

I was in The Oval Office when I heard a windoe break, I didn't have a weapon so I did a Tactical Turd Toss and sent that would be robber running covered in shit.