talk to a bear

When you're camping and you have to shit so bad that you walk off with some t.p. and squat next to a tree and poo.

"You guys have any t.p.? - cause I gotta go and talk to a bear!!"

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like talking to a dead bear

When you talk to someone and they either; don't care, don't listen, don't understand or didn't hear you correctly, or at all.

God! That (insert name of dusty old teacher past retirement) doesn't listen, it's like talking to a dead bear.

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Talking to bear

Taking a dump. A reference to Bear and the Big Blue House’s potty training episode.

“Where have you been?”

“Sorry I was talking to bear”