Rural Dictionary

Cold War

The Cold War began following the end of World War II when the United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR or the Soviet Union) emerged as the world's two superpowers, and subsequently the world's greatest prick-waving competition began.
At the end of World War II Europe lay in ruins. The Soviet Union took hand to several Eastern European countries while the United States and Britain took on the Western and some southern countries. Many countries, such as Greece at the end of WWII which were occupied by the Nazis fell into civil war with two sides fighting against each other, each taking the influence of either Western political ideals or Soviet ideals. Once everything was set, there were now two sides: half of Europe under the influence of Western policies and the other half under Soviet. The two sides opposed each other and as the two sole superpowers, worked to try and gain the sphere of political influence on the world. Communism spreading and the United States working frantically to try and contain it in a series of proxy wars. And so began what would be known as the world's biggest and greatest prick-waving competition in excistence.
To put it in a nutshell, at the start of the Cold War, the United States, and it's capitalistic ideals, and the Soviet Union, with it's communist ideals, both had just about equally sized penises. It was now a battle to impress the world of which had the bigger penis in order to try and influence it. The US and USSR went at it for the next fifty odd years.
NATO was formed in 1949, thus making the United States' penis growing slightly larger than the USSR's. NATO was basically an agreement between several countries in defense to any enemy attack. The USSR suddenly felt emasculated by the size of the United States' penis and thus made a plan to extend their own by forming the Warsaw Pact in 1955. The Warsaw Pact was the USSR's response mostly to West Germany being signed into NATO and felt the need of creating it in strategic defense. Tensions grew between the two superpowers due in part by the fact that by the 1950s the world was now fully realized that the USSR was developing nuclear weapons and testing then (the first nuclear bomb test in the USSR was "First Lightning, or RDS-1, nicknamed by the US "Joe 1" after a nickname given to Joseph Stalin, who was still ruler of the USSR at the time until his death in 1953.) , trying to out-nuke the US and showing them that they indeed, had the larger cock now. This lead to an increase in nuclear development in the United States, in order to try and catch up to it's arch-enemy and keep itself from getting pulverized by it's throbbing manhood.
The United States had been developing nuclear weapons long before the Soviet Union had, it's first nuclear test "Trinity" on July 16, 1945 under the "Manhattan Project." The nuclear weapons were developed throughout WWII out of fear of discovery of it's power being discovered by Nazi Germany, and felt they needed to create them ASAP. By the end of WWII, Germany had been defeated along with several of it's alliances and Japan was the sole Axis power remaining. The Soviet Union declared war on Japan and the United States initially devised a plan called "Operation Downfall" which would have been the invasion of Japan. At that time, though, they'd just squeezed out years of research and development on nuclear weapons initially focused on Germany, but since Germany had already been defeated, they must have figured "Eeehh, fuck it" and dropped two buckets 'o sunshine on Japan. Nagasaki and Hiroshima were bombed to shit. There is much debate to this day about either or not nuclear weapons should have been used or not. In it's defense it was believed that casualties would have been drastically high for an initial invasion of Japan. The US continued to do several atomic bomb tests, many at Bikini Atoll in the Marshall Islands not long after the rapage of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by the US's massive penis at the time. The tests were conducted mostly to test the effects of nuclear weapons at sea.

Anyways, now we're at an arms race in nuclear power between the Soviets and the Americans to show the world who had the bigger cock and who should follow their political influence, because they just assumed everyone else wanted a big cock, too. The arms race escalated with the US and the Soviet Union developing their largest nuclear weapons. The US with Castle Bravo, the blast yield of which was between 15-22 megatons, detonated at Bikini Atoll on February 24, 1954. At the time this was the largest detonated nuclear bomb, several times larger than the Fat Man and Little Boy bombs dropped on Japan spreading fear in the world about where it was going in terms of abusing the power of science and nuclear weapons.

The Soviet Union, on the other hand, didn't give a fuck. The United States expanding the size of their penis with Castle Bravo? HAH! They could show them just how massive the cock of communism could be. They developed the "Tsar Bomba", also codenamed "Ivan." I don't exaggerate when I say this bomb was one mean motherfucker. To date, Tsar Bomba is the largest nuclear weapon ever detonated at 50 megatons. The explosion let out by Tsar Bomba in comparison made Nagasaki look like a tiny speck on the horizon. The Tsar Bomba was originally going to be 100 megatons, but the Soviets at the last minuet changed it to 50 for safety reasons. SAFETY REASONS. It was unleashed on October 30, 1961 on Novaya Zemlya.
It's important to remember that the Cold War wasn't soley reliant on nuclear power extending the two superpowers' cocks, but other methods of proving one was superior to the other. One of these were the Space Race.
One dream was to explore space. This became one of the central focuses of the Cold War when the Soviets got a head start by launching the Sputnik 1 into space on October 4, 1957 and also sent the first man into space, Yuri Gagarin on April 12, 1961.

It's accepted that the Space Race officially began with the launch of the Sputnik. For years the United States believed that it had a bigger cock than the Soviet Union because it believed it was the leader of the space program, despite two failed attempts to get into space. So when the Sputnik first launched to the surprise of the US, Americans went absolutely and completely batshit insane. It became immediately emasculated at viewing how huge the Soviets' Pumping Pole of Communist Power had become it immediately began work vigorously on trying to out-man the Soviets with it's own space program, eventually sending the first man on the moon on July 20, 1969, making the Soviet Union feeling emasculated and flacid. Some believe the moon landing was faked in order to show the world that America had a bigger cock than the Soviets in order to gain influence.
The Cold War also wasn't just between the US and the USSR. The US fought a series of proxy wars to contain the spread of Communism but they usually ended up in mediocre victories or massive failures altogether. Such is with the Korean War, in which North Korea fought for Communism and the US sided with the South. It was like a game of tug of war, one side got really far south, the other eventually got really far north, then they just got to the middle and said "Fuck it" and left. History repeated itself with Vietnam, North fighting for Communism, US siding with the South, blah blah blah. The US got a bloody nose, became flacid and ran away. Some also believe that President Kennedy was assassinated so Lyndon B. Johnson could go to war with Vietnam to contain the spread and influence of Communism.
The Cold War eventually ended in victory for the United States, when the Soviet Union's cock got so big it eventually got erectile dysfunction and then proceeded to shit all over itself like a dying star as a result. The Soviet Union collapsed under Gorbachev, Ukraine, the Baltic States, Belarus and others became independent again, the Russian Mafia took the oppertunity to rise in Russia's broken government in times of recovery (but still holds the most nuclear weapons in the world). And now the United States is the sole superpower in the world, always going on and on about how massive it's dick is and proceeding to shove it's dick in other countries' faces when they don't really want it to.
I could go on and on. Honestly. So much shit occurred during the Cold War between the US and the USSR and their battle for global influence but this page would go on forever. Pick up a book on the Cold War if your interested. Get the chance to read about the world's greatest and largest prick-waving competition.

The Cold War - the World's greatest prick-waving competition. Soon, the sequel, the US versus the Taliban playing hide the sausage.

by StuffedMannequin1 September 26, 2009

534👍 140👎

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