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The act of scheduling, committing to, or agreeing to be physically present at an engagement, meeting, party, event, get-together, sailboat ride, dinner, drinks with friends, vacation, or excursion, and without further communication, not attend. Once the act has been initiated, phones calls and text messages will not be returned until the morning of the following day, typically accompanied with a very elaborate and seemingly reasonable justification for the act. This act is typically initiated by the one performing the such act.
Jim calls Gary and Phil. Jim invites them to go watch the BIG game at the neighborhood tavern that night. Gary and Phil are happy and excited with this invite. They both agree and re-schedule their evenings accordingly, often times upsetting the family schedule to be able to attend. There is talk throughout the day confirming time and other details of what the night may bring. As the scheduled time approaches Jim stops answering his phone and texts, almost as though he doesn't exist. Jim never arrives. In the morning, when asked why Jim didn't show up or call, he replies that he couldn't leave his house because his dog chewed through the cord to the freezer and electrocuted himself, his cell battery died, and his daughter dropped the house phone in the toilet. Jim has successfully and cleanly performed The Metcalf.
He is the most awesome person in the world. Forged from Steel. Women have pictures of him on their walls.
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metcalfing-both a state of mind and an attitude. Those who "metcalfe" commonly reside in dark corners and speak only through insult. These people have been known to cause severe damage to the delicate balance of our eco system in previous years..
e.g Ollie swigs from a bottle of jack daniels - yet another metcalfing teenager
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To be charmed and tricked into buying goods you really don't want off a dodgey yet charming charactor, then to find out that the items you bought are cheaper to buy in shops.
Jack - I'm just going to see Wayne, i owe him some money. I won't be a minute dude.
Ken - OK mate, i'll wait here for you.
(10 minutes later)
Ken - What the fuck is all that shit?
Jack - It's an i-pod shuffle, a jumper, some sandals, a watch & a DVD player.
Ken - Sweet mate does he have more i-pods?
Jack - Fuck yeah, he has thousands in his spare room.
Ken - I'm gettin one.
(2 days later)
Ken - Dude them i-pods we bought are £5 cheaper in Argos you know?
Jack - Fuck! We have been well and truely Metcalfed !
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a) To be caught masturbating
b) To masturbate
I thought my roommate was out of town, but he came back in the room and totally metcalfed me.
I am going to metcalfe until I can’t walk no more!
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A person who is lazy and generally useless.
You're sure being a Metcalf today by laying around.
Quit Metcalfing it and help us out.
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A sexual maneuver where one:
a) consumes 20-25 alcoholic beverages in a night out.
b) sleazily, creepily finds an equally or more inebriated member of the female sex to bring back to one's room.
c) interrupts the pre-game makeout session to go and take 4-5 times the recommended dose of generic viagra purchased from an illegal online pharmacy.
d) continues to fail to get more than a half-mast erection, but due to utter insanity and a complete disconnect from reality, continues to push the issue and proceeds to perform hours of overzealous cunnilinguis.
e) eventually takes the submissive bottom and tries to cram the now-quarter mast erection into the female partner's vagina, which leads to the crux of The Metcalf maneuver: DUE TO THE FLACCIDITY OF THE ERECTION, IT MUST BE ABLE TO HAVE A KINK SOMEWHERE AT THE MIDPOINT LEADING THE SEX (IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT) TO BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL. Advanced versions of The Metcalf actually include the penis being folded in half and then inserted.
To spice things up a bit, Metcalf practitioners can also forget where they are, claim wholeheartedly to their roomates that they had a threesome when in fact it didn't happen, pass out, blast music extremely loud, or say incoherent and frightening things.
I am such a fucking moron who sucks so hard at life: I pulled another Metcalf last night.
I would honestly rather become a fluffer on an all-male porn set than pull another Metcalf.
Yeah, it was the worst sexual experience of my life; he pulled a Metcalf on me.
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