the buffalo theory

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

The buffalo theory is concrete proof that getting drunk is good for your intelligence

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Buffalo Theory

The "Buffalo Theory" is a comparative theoretical hypothesis which attempts to predict the cumulative effects of drugs/alcohol upon the brain over time.

The theory states that:
"damage to the brain brought about by excessive consumption, acts as a 'clean-up agent', damaging or destroying weaker brain cells before their sturdier counterparts, raising the proportion of the brain that these stronger brain cells represent, thereby improving the overall quality of brain output, through a process analogous to natural selection in animals."

Earliest records indicate that Giles **** originally published details of the theory to friends on a night out.

The name 'Buffalo Theory', comes from the analogy with natural selection, particularly within the buffalo community. Giles states that just as, "the weaker buffalo of the herd get picked off by predators, leaving the stronger, more intelligent members to procreate, the weaker brain cells are picked off by consumption, leaving those which are better suited to a drink-and-drugs environment."

Skeptics and criticizers of the theory widely believe that Giles announced his theory to justify his own excessive consumption, which he denies frequently by throwing empty wine bottles. It is also not yet known whether excessive consumption does in fact only kill off the weaker cells.

Critic : "You will kill yourself if you keep drinking/smoking/etc. like that."

Buffalo Theorist : "You OBVIOUSLY never heard of 'Buffalo Theory'. Idiot."

END

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